WANTED, Wall-E, Hellboy 2 The Golden Army and HELLS YEA BATMAN THE DARK KNIGHT.
So ages and freakin ages ago after seeing Indiana Jones, I mentioned some other movies that I was interested in seeing this summer.
Summer is far from over but I have seen many of those movies I talked about and well I just have to freakin talk about BATMAN DAMMIT!
But first, a quick thought on some of the other movies I have seen.
WARNING! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD! (Actually if any of you even know what Lost in Space is, I’m pretty sure the only danger to Will Robinson was Dr Smith…) Oh and there might be a risque shot of Angelina’s ass, you have been warned… p.s there is also profanity.
Finally I show the boys some love and post this, or girls, I’m sure there are girls out there who like naked Angelina…
The GN is on our deep discount.com list because I haven’t actually read it. I know enough to know that the main difference is that in the movie, we deal with a fraternity of super assassins, in the comic book they are super villains.
So first off, I’m not pissed about that, especially since I’m not sure I would have wanted to watch a monster made of poop on the big screen. Yes you heard me POOP!
Fans of the comic book will however be happy to hear that the iconic opening, which involves our hero’s girlfriend getting screwed by his best friend on his Ikea table, is completely intact and in the movie.
But that makes it all the much sweeter when he smacks him good in the mouth with his keyboard. I really enjoyed that scene, I hope she was a good lay, because that was one HELL of whack. And if you’ve ever hated your boss or where you work, you’ll be cheering him on as he leaves his pathetic life behind to become extraordinary.
The scene is particularly satisfying, since for a little while past that it gets worse for him before it gets better. Thank God for super wax that heals wounds, considering the daily beating he takes. I don’t think I could sit in it though, I’m not claustrophobic but I definitely think I would have had trouble with it!
The action is pretty much what you’d expect if you’ve seen the trailers, pretty damned kick ass. The last 10 minutes of the movie are bloody brilliant, I’m pretty sure he must have gotten a higher kill count than even Hot Shots Part Deux.
The special effects aren’t anything brilliant, but they are done well actually I shouldn’t say not anything brilliant, so much as, it’s not anything you haven’t seen before. The shots following the bullet were nicely done, but nothing you haven’t seen before if you’ve seen the video for Korn’s, Freak on a Leash, which was funnily enough worked on by comic book guy Todd McFarlane.
Don’t expect anything too deep out of the plot either, it is what it is, if you go in expecting Shakespeare you’ll be disappointed. Eject your brain and enjoy the movie, if you’re looking for fast paced action, a look at Angelina Jolie’s naked ass and lots of guns, knives, and lots of people kicking the bucket, then this is the movie for you. Oh and I know I didn’t summarize the movie, I’m just going to assume you’ve seen it. If you haven’t, go read the graphic novel, or for God’s sake go see the damn movie!
I freakin DARE you to not find this cute. If you don’t find it cute, you FAIL at life.
So we go from sexy or not so sexy, assassins to a hellaciously cute garbage compacting robot.
What can I say about Wall-E except to say that that Pixar have done it yet again.
While the movie is little more than a huge comment on the need for recycling and the dangers of how lazy our society is becoming. You’re usually too busy going awwww or giggling to care that you’re being scolded for being lazy slobs who are destroying the planet.
There is very little actual dialogue in the movie, so you would think it’s incredibly boring. I have to say that couldn’t be further from the truth, since I wasn’t bored for one minute. The characters are all so well animated, what they don’t express through actual speech is emoted brilliantly through their robotic sounds, their eyes, gestures. The lack of dialogue doesn’t really hurt at all!
Hell one of the cutest things about the movie is Wall-E’s pet cockroach and that definitely can’t talk. (If you want talking roaches, track down Joe’s Apartment, no really there is a MTV movie called Joe’s Apartment!)
There’s even romance in this movie for you girls! Lads if you want to put your girlfriend in a good mood take her to see this movie. If she doesn’t think its cute, then she’s a cold hearted beeyotch and you might want to dump her for her hotter, cuter friend. (All girls have one) Wall-E pining after EVE is so damned cute!
The humans are downright scary in way, particularly as you watch them flail around like beached whales when they fall off of their hover beds. Watching that gave me the serious wiggins, because I could totally see humanity heading down that road. After all aren’t we constantly inventing more and more so we don’t have to do anything anymore?
Aren’t we as a society always trying to get other people to do things for us? I come from England, where Channel 5 after 10 is pretty much porn on some nights. Remember nice, cute Stacey Dash from Clueless? Well in his year in old blighty hubby was pleasantly shocked to see that Ms Dash had discovered she could act ( I use that term lightly) in soft-core porn… Anyway back to my point, yes in England after the watershed of eight or nine depending on terrestrial TV or satellite, Ozzy Osbourne can be heard au naturel. Every fuck, shit, bastard, wanker, tosser, prick, dickhead well you get the point can be heard in perfect clarity without that annoying beeping noise. Because over there we expect you the parent to decide if your kid should listen to something like that or watch something of a questionable nature. That’s not to say we don’t have rules either, I mean if its excessive the show can still be called into question, but I hate the sound of that bleep.
None of this I turned on the t.v and was shocked crap, the watershed is eight or nine you know that shit is going to be on t.v, if you didn’t want your kid to see a breast, or ass, or hear the fracking F-bomb. Then too bad you should have been watching them more closely.
The FCC has way too much power and lazy people who don’t even use the bloody v-chip they asked for are to blame for it. You don’t want to them to see or hear it, change the fracking channel, or use the chip you freakin asked for. Stop sanitizing t.v for other people who don’t have a freakin heart attack every time they hear a bad word. Or see Janet Jackson’s breast for one tenth of a second. (I think she’s had work done, it looked quite perky to me.)
Lets face it, your kids probably either hear most of those bad words at school, or straight from your own mouth anyway. I could curse like a sailor before the age of ten and pretty much all of them I learned from good old mom and dad. And no I’m not a violent delinquent who dropped out of school, I’m a married woman, in a decent job with a degree in psychology.
Oh and while I’m ranting, its been statistically proved teaching abstinence doesn’t work. Your kid won’t go to hell because they learn what a condom is and how to use it and if you really want to stop lots of unborn fetuses dying, you’d be better of letting your kids go to sex ed classes.
Sorry got waaaaaay off track there I’m good at going off on tangents and rambling, ask Riex. But my point is maybe you should watch Wall-E to see where the human race might be headed if we aren’t careful. It ain’t pretty but the message is wrapped up in a nice cute package to make it easier for you to swallow.
Made it this far? Congratulations, this is probably going to be the longest blog post ever. Hellboy 2 is up next and then we get to BATMAN, SQUEE!
Hellboy 2 The Golden Army
The grouchy big red guy just makes me smile okay!!!
Guillermo Del Toro has one heck of an imagination and knows how to use that to grab your attention. He’s a wonderful storyteller and he seems to have a magic touch with visuals, drawing you completely into the worlds he creates.
If you haven’t seen some of his other works, such as The Devil’s Backbone, and Pans Labyrinth, then I strongly urge you to do so.
The acting is pretty solid, Ron Perlman once again is perfect as the grouchy demon with a heart of gold and Doug Jones is perfect as Abe.
The one thing I think I love the most about both movies is how they treat these creatures just like we’re watching a movie involving humans. I mean you might not want to see it, but I laughed my butt off at the fact we get the gratuitous naked in the shower scene, played like it would in any ordinary movie. Except in your average movie, the dude or chick in the shower isn’t a massive red demon.
Similarly the buddy scene with Abe and Hellboy drunk off their asses singing because of romantic woes, is both touching and hilarious.
The creatures are all amazing, Del Toro’s background in effects really shines through and the fact he’ll use solid make-up and puppetry as opposed to CG where he can, doesn’t make the movie suffer at all.
I will say I think I preferred the first movie to this one though. Not that this isn’t a good movie, it’s a solid story, but for some reason it didn’t thrill me quite as much as I was expecting. In some ways I think that’s because this almost seemed like less of a Hellboy story to me and in some ways an extension of the Pans Labyrinth world.
Like I said that doesn’t mean necessarily that it’s a bad movie, just not perhaps the movie I was expecting. If you enjoyed the first one I think you will enjoy this one.
And FINALLY BATMAN THE DARK KNIGHT.
You know you wanna ride it!
I love Batman, I honest to god do, he’s probably my favorite comic book hero. *Hubby screams blasphemer in his best rendition of the Monarch, don’t know who I’m talking about? Then damn well Google The Venture Bros and watch one of the best cartoons you’ll ever watch in your miserable life. For the record, Hubby-sama thinks Spiderman is the best.*
I love Batman because he’s just a man, he doesn’t have super powers. To stand on a par with the super powered heroes, Batman has to work his ass off to do it. Training his body and mind to be the best they can be, so he can rescue Gotham City from itself.
Now on to the actual movie, I will say I freakin LOVED it! Now I’m not going to be one of those people wanking all over Heath Ledger and saying that he deserves an Oscar. Yeah it was a great performance, but then pretty much everybody in that movie gave a good performance.
Aaron Eckart proves again what an amazing actor he is in his rendition of Harvey Dent. Christian Bale is wonderful at bringing us a Batman unsure of if he wants to continue in the beginning, to one firm and resolute in the end that he will be Gotham’s protector even if they hate him for it.
And yes Heath Ledger is creepily amazing as the Joker, who was pretty darn close to his comic book roots. He’s deliciously, brilliantly insane.
I think my favorite scenes had to be when Bale and Ledger would face off against one another, with the Joker trying to convince Batman that they were the same. Maybe they are in the strength of their conviction, but if the Joker is perfect anarchy, then Batman stands for perfect order, even at the cost of a normal life. Even when The Joker has robbed him of the woman he loves, he isn’t able to cross that line and so for all they have in common, they have that huge fundamental difference.
The effects were top notch, and the toys, “where does he get those wonderful toys” well we know where he gets them, but I just had to use one of my fave Nicholson quotes from Batman The Movie.
The Bat Pod was freaking kick ass. Didn’t think it was possible to top the amazing feat of engineering that was the Tumbler, well they did! With the engines mounted in the wheels, the exhausts in the peddles, this 700 pound monster tore up the streets. It can even collapse to go under vehicles and considering you have to use arm panels to turn the beast its one hell of a ride. Ghost Rider, Batman might be giving you a ride for your money when it comes to the coolest thing on two wheels!
Using the skyhook to get Lao out of China was nicely done and its great to see they are continuing to make an effort to show that as well as being physically strong, Batman knows how to use his brain too.
The Dark Knight is an awesome Batman movie, dark, gritty, engrossing. Don’t expect to leave the theater all pumped up like you should have been after Iron Man though. Batman actually ends on a pretty depressing note, although I did read an interesting idea for why they might have chosen to go in the direction they did, by making Bats a marked man. Ask me if you want to know.
Soooo I’m tired of typing, you guys are probably tired of reading, if you are still reading. In fact if you made it this far, here have a cyber cookie, I only have chocolate chip so you’ll just have to make do with that.
Hollywood has gotten a lot of my hard-earned cash this summer, and so far I’d say they’ve deserved it…
Movies I want to see, but probably will just wait till they come out on Netflix Pineapple Express and I forget the name, but the Pacino/De Niro flick they ran a trailer for. Ooh and I’m a little intrigued by The Day The Earth Stood Still, c’mon, give Keanu a chance! It can’t possibly be as bad as Tom Cruise and War of The Worlds. I don’t think Reeves is a scientologist…
Oh and the trailer for Watchmen looked pretty good. It made me laugh though that the song they played over it was The Smashing Pumpkins, The End is the Beginning Is The End. Considering that was a song they used for Batman Forever!
If you got to the end CONGRATULTIONS!
Damn I’m tried…