Oi Hayaku, Calamitous Intent investigates…

Choux, Bassment, Sakura, Hoshi

Dedicated to Oi Hayaku!

The candlelight cast flickered shadows upon the wall of the room, as lightening streaked across the sky outside the foreboding walls of the castle.

A huge clap of thunder smothered the sound of Choux’s staff flying through the air. She smirked as the satisfying sound of a dying lizard reached her ears.  Its scaly body was now impaled on the wall, as rivulets of blood trailed along the cold stone surface and began to pool upon the floor.

She grinned over at Bassment, who waved her off with a hand, not even looking in her direction.  She had ignored the little display of power since she was currently absorbed in searching through the guild’s grimoire.

A bored voice rang out amidst the cacophony of lightning and thunder outside.

“Have you not found anything yet?”

Sakura looked up at Hoshi and frowned, shaking her head in a negative manner.  Sighing in frustration, Sakura threw down the crystal she had been trying to use to divine information with.

“No, nothing. And they don’t seem to be in the grimoire either – Bassment’s been searching through it for hours.  Choux beat the crap out of every lower level demon she could find and they didn’t seem to know anything about these newcomers either.  Are you sure they are demons?”

Hoshi who had been softly petting her black cat Sebby, paused before collapsing back into her chair with a frustrated sigh.

“What else could they be?  They storm into the blogging scene with so much pomp and circumstance. What else but demons would tout their horns so loudly?  Maybe Lelangir has managed to dig something up on this Oi, Hayaku! group.


“You called Mistress?”

What looked like a slip of mist began to appear in a far corner of the room, and before long, it slowly grew  in size. Swirling faster and faster, the mist coalesced until it formed the shape of human male.  Well, humanoid, because after all, vampires weren’t exactly human.  Particularly this one, because he was of pure blood, and very strong in the ways of vampires.

The witches all smiled at Lelangir and his spectacular entrance, giving him their utmost attention.

“Ahh Lelangir, so far our efforts in discovering just what this Oi, Hayaku! group is have proved fruitless.  Tell us: what have you been able to discover, and do they pose a threat to the guild?”

Lelangir threw Hoshi a toothy smile, and with a flick of his wrist a projection screen descended from the ceiling. Producing a laser pointer from his top pocket, he turned away from the ladies and began to give them his report.  “If you ladies will look this way, I will begin the lecture. Please also get out your laptops since I will be providing you with important links.”

Images flashed on screen before them as Lelangir’s voice rang clearly through the room.

Apparently we have no need to fear – it doesn’t look like this group has the same aim as we have.  Well, unless you count domination of the blogosphere.

“By distracting the otaku population with regular, well written editorials on a wide range of topics related to Japanese media, it will leave otaku vulnerable to our attacks. Acquiring the souls we need should not be a problem.

Since our goals are of course much more sinister than that, the blog merely serves as a platform to our nefarious agenda…

According to the information I have procured, they are content with simply gaining the attention and support of the otaku element. In fact, this new organization could work to our advantage.

We can simply let Oi, Hayaku! do the work of gaining readers’ attention for us, and while the Otaku are busy glued to their little life sucking boxes of doom, we will draw out their spirits.


Oi, Hayaku! is led by a man called Riex, and by all accounts he is a formidable boss.  From what I have learned, he tolerates no funny business from his subordinates, expecting them to have their shit together on time.  He favors punctuality, and is quite a whiz with the pretty web layouts.

I’ve also heard however, that he is quite insane and this insanity drives him to slave long and hard over this endeavor to make it a success.  His dedication has rallied a considerable force of talent from around the otaku blogosphere beginning with…



The women all stared at the pale Vampire in shock. Bassment looked up as well, her hands gripping the edges of the grimoire tightly as she stammered out a response.

“Di-did you say Baka-Raptor?”

Lelangir nodded in affirmation.

“Yes, it appears the draw of Riex’s idea was enough to garner the attention of the infamous Baka-Raptor.  Apparently he holds the position of ‘Freewriter’ and as such, will post on anything he so wishes (within the scope of japanese media of course). And it doesn’t stop there.” Please read his introduction for further details –>The words of Baka-Raptor.


beanbrew, another minion, will be writing about OP and ED themes, and it would be wise to keep an eye on this one. Apparently he was able to survive an encounter with a Grue.”

Gasps of surprise went around the room.

“Are you sure?  The only person I’ve ever heard of defeating a Grue is Choux and that was quite a battle,” Sakura exclaimed, fixing her disbelief-filled green eyes at Lelangir.

“Yes, I doubt someone out there is stronger than I.”

Lelangir smiled softly at Choux.

“My dear, I doubt very much that there is, but my sources are never wrong, and apparently beanbrew did face a Grue and survive. Of this I am absolutely certain.”  You can read about the encounter –> on his introduction post

“Moving on, although maggeh also holds the position of ‘Freewriter’, this one requires careful consideration and is probably the most likely candidate among them for being a demon.

Sasuke>! (maggeh)

As you can see from maggeh’s introduction post, the individual is quite mad, highly delusional, and prone to outbreaks of destruction.  I would consider maggeh dangerous, and should you encounter this person, please be on your guard ladies.  I have heard that this individual can be pacified with food, although I have not yet determined the veracity of this rumor.”

“Is it possible maggeh could be an intelligent ghoul?”

Lelangir contemplated Sakura’s suggestion thoughtfully before dismissing the notion.

“I think not milady, I have absolute faith that Master Alucard has taken care of that nasty problem.”

Hoshi let out a snort of derision.

“Alucard I trust. It’s that Hellsing Organization I find lacking. But we digress. Please continue, Lelangir.”


Coburn also holds a ‘Freewriter’ position and by contrast to maggeh seems to be of a much more agreeable, or should I say, placid nature.  As you should be able to ascertain from this person’s introduction, his musings are expressed clearly and concisely. It is entirely possible Coburn may be a Warlock.”

Hoshi stared hard at the screen in front of her.

“Hmm, this one could be a problem for us as well. Please keep him under close surveillance.”

Lelangir bowed slightly before continuing.

“Yes, milady.


Xephfyre’s job seems to be that of recon, since his role in the group appears to be that of  ‘Latest Pimp’. It is his job to gather and publish information.  Enthusiastic in character, this individual can be fervent if he sees a worthy-enough cause.  According to his introduction information, he is not completely sure of who his master is yet.  Perhaps this one can be convinced to aid us in our machinations.


The individual known as lbrevis appears to be trying to appeal to the Otaku population through movie analysis.  From the post, it seems that this person is quite enthusiastic about her task and has researched the subject matter thoroughly.  As with the rest of her blog mates, she has come into the otakusphere well prepared. In fact, this entire team should not be underestimated by any means.  I highly doubt this one is a demon even if they work amongst them.


Our next subject, otou-san, also has a ‘Freewriter’ position, I believe him to be a vampire like myself.  His wonderful introduction post was almost poetic in its description of death. I haven’t read something that moving in quite a while.  I have to admit I’m unfamiliar with his name, and I haven’t heard it around the vampire social circles. However, there are still some contacts I have yet to speak with.


Now this next one is very interesting.  Omisyth will be Oi, Hayaku’s ‘Latest List’ author.  His aim according to his own words is to..

bring the audience of OH! engaging, informative, addictive articles that, though primarily entertaining, also serve as to give anime aficionado a slightly different perspective on the shows they watch. They’ll most likely be in the form of “Top ~Insert Number and Subject Matter Here~” (such as “Top Ten Anime Weapons”).

I believe Omisyth to be a high level demon given the level of excellence in his post. Certainly this one commands attention with his topics.


Last but not least, little is known about the individual riceisnice, although according to his introduction, he has a great love of manga and plans to write about it for Oi Hayaku!Further surveillance of this person will be required in order to determine the level of threat he pose.

And there you have it ladies. While I have been able to uncover quite a bit of information, I think time will be the greatest provider for what we wish to know. Currently, as you can see, I don’t think they pose a threat to us or our plans.”

Hoshi tapped a finger thoughtfully against the table.

“I believe you are right. However, I want to be prepared, should we run into any trouble from their end. Sakura, you will extend a hand of friendship towards this Riex, find out what his plans are, and see if you can ascertain any weakness we can exploit if we need to.”

Sakura nodded to Hoshi and the other girls. Turning to Lelangir, she gave him a quick smile before picking her crystal off of the table and heading out of the room.

“Bassment, given Lelangir’s assessment, it appears we may be dealing with vampires, wizards, warlocks and perhaps some demons. Search through the grimoire for possible spells that would be useful in battle.”

Not needing to be told twice, the sounds of pages turning furiously could be heard by all as Bassment continued her perusal of the grimoire.

Choux stood up abruptly, and ignoring everyone, strode across the room. Stopping in front of the skewered lizard, she wrenched her staff free and watched with a satisfied smile as its cold body hit the floor with an emphatic thump. Taking a small bow, she made for the exit.

“I’ll be honing my fighting skills, if you need me.”

Hoshi and Lelangir regarded one another thoughtfully.

“We’ve worked too hard to set things in motion. Lelangir, I’ll need you to continue to be my eyes and ears out there. We can’t afford for things to screw up now – we’ve come too far. If Oi, Hayaku! proves meddlesome, we shall have to dispose of them as we have the others…”

Nodding his agreement, Lelangir bowed deeply before Hoshi.

“As you wish Milady, I shall be on my way now. I have some contacts to meet up with.”

Waving him goodbye, Hoshi smiled as she watched him leave in the same manner in which he had arrived.
Staring thoughtfully at her computer, a slow smile crept upon her face.

“Who are you Oi, Hayaku!? I guess we’ll be finding out soon, no?”

Laughter rang out within the room as the storm outside continued to beat down on the earth below.

Afterword (Written by Hoshi)

As you can see, there may be some editing problems. Blame this all on me, for not knowing how to correct this. Anyhow, this is for Oi, Hayaku’s First PrOH!mote contest. Many thanks to Choux and Sakura for both drawing pictures and Sakura for writing the story. We hope you enjoy it, Oi Hayaku people! Otherwise… who knows what may happen?

AND We would also like to wish the rest of our readers and other blogs a Happy Halloween! May you forever be trick-or-treating. (I still am.)

So here’s a sexy picture:

After After words by Choux:

Unfortunately the only things that I did for this post is the first picture and a tiny little bit of editing, but I’m still proud of it. Just a note though: The pictures don’t really represent what everyone looks like. Bassment isn’t a miko, Hoshi doesn’t really have an ahoge,  and I’m not really a loli (wait wait wait, are those screams of “NOOOOOO!” that I’m hearing? Ho ho ho…) Anyway, have a happy Halloween! I’m handing out cola and marshmellows this year (weird combination, I know).

Note*: This post may be edited by any of us at any time.

After After After words by Sakura:

Well Sakura stayed up way past her bedtime getting crap done, but I think the end result was worth it.
Hoshi and Choux did a great job and I just re-edited so the pictures shouldn’t look so weird 🙂 nowSsince its 1:15 a.m, I’m pretty sure I’ve earned sleep and so ends our little tale of mystery and murderous intent…
Sometimes my brain is a scary place, probably because its underused and has too much time to dream up weird scenarios such as blogosphere domination. Or is that such a bad idea, are you pondering what I’m pondering? 😉



16 thoughts on “Oi Hayaku, Calamitous Intent investigates…

  1. Pingback: October 2008 prOH!mote submissions. | Oi, Hayaku!

  2. WIN!

    It’s TRUE! OH Hayaku has been eating too many PINEAPPLE-BASED FOOD PRODUCTS and are destined for an untimely demise. Now we all know how they will be murdered by an adventuring party of other bloggers.

    PS Darth Omisyth KILLED me. Awesome awesome

  3. @ghostlightning, its his fault for having Syth in his name, because of course I always connect to SITH XD

    And yes don’t believe our cute facade for a moment, we’d kill in a heart beat for blog domination 😉

    @Kitsune, thanks! Ahh my drawing skills have degraded so badly, I need to go back to basics. Luckily Choux’s are fantastic so they bring the standard up. For all you authors who got me as your artist sorry!

    Well except you maggeh, because my Sasuke isn’t all that bad! XD Plus you get your Uchiha fix for the week. Which is good since he doesn’t make an appearance in this weeks chapter, but more about that in another post.

    @ Baka-Raptor, get thee to a restaurant!

  4. @ otou-san, AHA! now we know what to check the grimoire for!

    @ Ibrevis, glad you like it. Hubby actually drew a much better picture for me the other night so look for the edit. I can send you the original file for the picture if you want just lemme know where to email it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s