This was one of the last posts I put together over at Oi Hayaku before it became defunct, but I didn’t want everyone’s effort to go to waste and so decided to post it here. Digitalboy made a great video, but unfortunately I have no link for it, though the rest of the post is here in its entirety.
My super spectacular shounen power is…
Some of you may remember Omisyth’s post, “Ill name my attack to further crush you with its power.”in which he discussed how shounen characters must first scream out the name of their special attack before they execute it. This is actually one topic that is close to the hearts of the Oi Hayaku staff, because we have super, spectacular, shounen powers of our own. If you have ever thought of messing with any of us, read on and see why to do so will mean your END!
Sakura’s spectacular shounen power:
Eardrum bursting song of death and destruction!
First, I’ll catch you in a genjutsu to maximize the effect of what is to befall you. Trapped and helpless you’ll never be able to counter the oncoming attack and I’ll be free to torture you however I wish.
Black Canary has nothing on me for to hear my voice is to know hell. Sexy and sultry, high pitched or annoying it matters not for once you hear my music the pain will be so excruciating the only thing you’ll care about is making it stop.
As rivers of blood flow from your ears and your eyeballs threaten to explode, you’ll be begging for the sweet embrace of death to deliver you from the nightmare of my song!
Coburns spectacular shounen power:
Final Attack! Bounen no Kamikaze Decapitation!
After attracting my opponent’s attention with some over-the-top mutating and crazy-face making, I’ll suddenly go all quiet and contemplative. Expecting some deadly special move, they’ll start paying extra close attention. Just as planned.
As they look on, I’ll reach up and rip my own damn head off. There’ll be a spurt of, well, of something green. Seriously. Green. A psychic wave of pure WTF? will blast through the air, penetrate their retina, and fry the brain in its own perplexity. My vanquished foe will instantly fall to the floor from sheer shock and confusion. I will sway slightly before dropping – ensuring that I am the last man standing.
ghostlightnings spectacular shounen power:
No provocation necessary, I’ll drop this baby at any point of the fight. It can catch my enemy by surprise, or not – it never matters. The evilness of my enemy is compressed into a tennis ball-shaped mass, then my righteous power manifests itself into a tennis racquet…
My racquet is burning red with an awesome power, and it’s telling me to seize VICTORY! “FAINAAAAAL FOREHAAAAAND!!!”
I smack the evil with divine topspin and it detonates with the force of OVER 9000 Hiroshima-class A-bombs.
WIN? FAIL? Irrelevant. It all ends here. That’s why it’s called the Final Forehand.
maggeh’s spectacular shounen power:
MEDIOCRE+ Infinity ~ Rainbow Inferno Spiraling Towards Desperation
After intense CALCULATION and DATA REASSESSMENT, I will DETERMINE the ANGLE of the sunlight and the VECTOR VALUES of the surrounding atmosphere, and then bring out my INCENDIARY TOTAL AMPLIFICATION DEVICE – my SPOON OF DESTINY. Then, I shall hold MY SPOON THAT WILL SCOOP THE HEAVENS into the air at the PERFECT DEGREE, allowing all the sun’s rays to FOCUS CONCENTRATION upon the enemy, dealing to them OVER 9,000 POINTS of damage, along with CONTINUAL 1,000 FIRE DAMAGE PER SECOND for an extra MINUTE AND A HALF. Finally, if the opponent is killed by the attack, he will trigger an EXCITING EXPLOSION that deals 25% AREA OF EFFECT SPLASH DAMAGE to any NON-MECHANICAL UNITS in a TEN METER RADIUS.
The problem is that it takes roughly TWENTY-SOMETHING HOURS to BURNINATE my opponent, but because most SHOUNEN BATTLES take around three days to end, it’s feasible. Furthermore, if I or my opponent are experiencing the BURNING SOUL OF DETERMINATION then the time can be further decreased, as the HEAT OF THE BATTLE will inevitably speed up the BURNINATING PROCESS.
The technique’s name is derived from the fact that the last thing my opponent sees before his untimely death is a MYRIAD OF COLORS that make up the rainbow, brought on by the ULTRAVIOLET RAYS of the sun REFLECTINGATING off the REFLECTINGATING SURFACE of my INCENDIARY TOTAL AMPLIFICATION DEVICE.
Omisyth’s spectacular shounen power:
Certain Kill! ~~~~~Eternal Flame, The Endless Vacuum Within The Kaleidoscopic Void, One More Time, One More Chance For The Lost Souls Of The Past, MAELSTROM OF THE APOCALYPSE.~~~~~
With my enemy already dazed from my utter awesomeness, I shall run past them faster than the speed of light, igniting a trail of flame over 6’000 feet wide. The flames will be over 5,000,000,000,000,000,000 degrees hot, so hot that the space/time continuum shall burn within its range, ripping a hole in the fabric of reality! This hole will suck the enemy into The Void, where the souls of all the GARest heroes who were ever killed shall assault them with their own ultimate attacks!
The sheer amount of GAR condensed into one location will of course cause the universe to implode and as such this attack is only to be used when someone insults yo mama.
LBrevis’s spectacular shounen power:
Most of us have forgotten that once upon a time, whenever something dramatic was happening, certain anime used to use a none too subtle technique called the eye glint. I, however, have not forgotten and instead obtained the, “Flash of Lightning Eye Glint of A Thousand Blazing Suns” after working my way through the 36 chambers of Shaolin.
All I have to do is just focus my fighting spirit until it reaches a critical level and then use the energy to bounce light from the sun off of my eyes. The resulting beam is always accompanied by a loud shiiinging sound and is so powerful that it will immediately incinerate an opponent from a distance of up to 12 miles.
Warning: Do not attempt while standing in front of a mirror, near any pools of still water or on a snowy day.
Still feel like taking us on? We take our blogging seriously (allegedly) and will destroy any and all who seek to bring us down. If our combined super powers aren’t enough to send you running then remember this. Should you survive we will unleash our most powerful attack of all, simply entitled LOLIKIT!